My eyes opened slowly.. The light, so bright, immediately filtered into my vision. I shut my eyes quickly. But someone grabbed my hand. And spoke. "Please, open your eyes. You are very lucky to be alive young Miss." I opened them and found myself looking at a person. He looked somewhat like a doctor, but younger. I looked around, and I was in a small building, with a desk and some shelves. "Please, are you thirsty?" I quickly nodded a reply, and he handed me a glass of some sort of drink. I didn't care what it was, that glass was empty in two seconds. I slowly stood up, as the man studied me. "Do you remember who you are?" he asked. I shook my head no. "Your name?" Again, I shook my head no. "I don't remember anything.." I finally said, the man seemingly relieved to discover I could talk. "Would you like to think of a name for yourself?" "Abby" He thought for a moment, then spoke. "Okay Abby, you were found a few days ago in a cave. Alone." A short silence followed as I took this in. "These were found with you." He handed me a backpack and I looked inside. Jacket, journal, some old food, a water bottle.. Just regular belongings. "Do you know who I was?" I finally asked. "Yes, I think I do." He hesitated before continuing. "You are Abigail Stevens. I think you're from the village of Jennacia." I didn't know where that was, but he grabbed a map from one of the shelves lining the wall, and pointed to a small area. "The village is gone now. Deteriorated a few years ago. I'm terribly sorry." Oh my, so I just woke up, just found out who I was. Only now I discover my home (That I didn't remember) is gone.. "I can show you how to get there if you like.." he quietly said. I nodded slowly. He handed me a few items that I quickly put inside my backpack. And he gave me the map. "Thank you." I said. He nodded slowly, as we went outside. "That road should take you there" he said, pointing at the Eastbound road. "Good luck." he said. I was ever grateful to him. Whoever he was. I had a feeling we'd meet again.. I set off. One foot in front of the other.
I suggest you should write more I'm a booky format because it would be easier to follow instead of one big paragraph. Otherwise it's really good
I like your effort, but a suggestion: Be descriptive - make the reader imagine what's happening. If you are able to do that you have been successful. example: "I opened them and found myself looking at a person. He looked somewhat like a doctor, but younger. I looked around, and I was in a small building, with a desk and some shelves. "Please, are you thirsty?" I quickly nodded a reply, and he handed me a glass of some sort of drink. I didn't care what it was, that glass was empty in two seconds. " can be written as: "I opening my eyes slowly and let them adjust to the dim lighting. A figure stood over me, regarding with an indifferent gaze. He was wearing a lab coat and a stethoscope around his neck, so I figured that he was a doctor, though he did look quite young. My eyes wandered around taking in everything around me. I was in a tall room; the walls were painted white and they seemed to have an air of sadness about them. It seemed as if the walls had seen more things in this room than they were willing to say. The only things contrasting with said walls were a bunch of desks and some shelves, but they all seemed empty, as if someone had recently removed their contents. I was startled by the doctor thrusting a small glass of something that didn't look quite like water, "Are you thirsty?". Up until then I hadn't realised how parched I was so I nodded hastily and took the glass from him and downed it in one gulp. I didn't even think to ask the doctor of the contents of the glass, and in hindsight, this may have been a bad decision. I felt fine, but I had a bad feeling about this, something I couldn't explain."
Oh. Well I am only just starting to write, and I just popped that out in a few minutes, i'm working harder on the next section.
*Please note that the previous segment was the epilogue* Chapter One I had been trudging along the dirt path that the peculiar man had pointed me down for several hours, my instincts telling me to turn around, go back, be safe; but I had ruled over them and kept plowing ahead. I found myself strangely tired, for some reason I had expected my stamina to be much higher. The drink? I thought. I never did inquire about its contents and found myself deeply regretting that decision. It hadn’t looked like water, or another type of beverage, but like some sort of concoction that said man had made himself. I was getting delusional, things beginning to change colors before my eyes. Hold yourself together, Abby! I screamed at myself. Keep walking! But I couldn’t. My feet began to drag along the path, kicking up dust. The world tilting, as if someone had spun me around, then let me loose to roam. I fell onto my knees, my head pounding. I heard someone scream loudly, it sounded like a girl; but I was in so much pain, that I didn’t realize that it had come from my own lips. My arms felt like rubber, untrustworthy to support my own weight. I battled with the sickening sensation of being ripped away from consciousness, but it won. The edges of my vision turned black, and slowly it grew, covering my vision. The last sensation I had before completely blacking out was a voice. A women’s voice, worried. And then I heard a baby crying. “Please, save my child!” The voice said. And then I blacked out. “Save my little girl…” Is that better TechTeller?
Chapter Two My eyes flickered open. This time bold, and I awoke not as precariously awakening as I previously had. I immediately sat up, and scanned my surroundings. I found myself in the same, sad room as I had before; only the Doctor wasn’t here. I saw what looked like a silver knife on one of the desks, dripping with some red liquid. My stomach twisted into a knot, as I found a note next to the knife. The paper was old and dry, and I didn’t know how long it had been there. There was scratchy hand writing on it, as though the person was desperately trying to write while there life was still in their possession. Dear girl, the paper said, I am very sorry to tell you this but, I am not what I seem. I have deceived you… I apologize deeply, for I am one of them. Thoughts swirled in my head as I read on. I should not have put you in such danger by bringing you here. The code forbids me from doing so. But I had to help you. I’m sorry. –Daryl My eyes swelled with tears at the sincerity of the letter. “...The code..." Who was he? I was overwhelmed by the questions, and soon, the answers. My head was filled with only one thought, repeating over and over: “Run.”
But i liiiikkke it! besides, it's not like i put bold in the middle of the story like you do for sound effects.
"I was startled by the doctor thrusting a small glass of something" You might want to reword that a little o_o
NOW IF YOU'LL EXUSE ME, I'M GOING [COLOR=#99cc00]T[COLOR=#ff6600]O [/COLOR][/COLOR]TALK LIKE THIS FOR NOW ON
